Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
