He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
