good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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