3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
