I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize