i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
