I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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