My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
