I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
