I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
