I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
