I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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