It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
