he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize