i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize