so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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