Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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