If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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