woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
