watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So. Much. Porn.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
