I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
