best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
