Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
