Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
