You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
