I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
