but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
