Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
