Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
