I want to make a zoo with you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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