Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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