She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize