They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
