I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
