You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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