I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
