White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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