i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
