i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
