My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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