I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
