Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
