i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
how does that bad decision feel?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize