Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
