i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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