She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Randomize
