I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
