i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
