Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize