I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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