Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
