Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
