The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Text me some of your sweat
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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