FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
