And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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