OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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