forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
