Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
