Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
