great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
