they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
