Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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