I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
